Stop Being A People Pleaser: 10 Steps to Prioritize You
Stop Being A People Pleaser: 10 Steps to Prioritize You
Written by
Karin Andrea Stephan
Entrepreneur, Senior Leader & Ecosystem Builder with a degrees in Music, Psychology, Digital Mgmt & Transformation. Co-founder of the Music Factory and Earkick. Life-long learner with a deep passion for people, mental health and outdoor sports.
Are you the go-to person everyone relies on, the one who never says no? If you often find yourself stretched thin from trying to make everyone happy, you might be a people pleaser. While being helpful and considerate is admirable, constantly putting others’ needs before your own can lead to stress, anxiety and burnout.
It’s time to regain your freedom and learn how to stop being a people pleaser. Let’s explore some strategies to help you prioritize your own needs and find balance.
How To Stop People Pleasing - YouTube
How To Stop People Pleasing
Psych2Go
1. Swap the People Pleaser-Persona For Your Right to Choose
First, recognize that you have the power to make choices that align with your own needs and values. It’s okay to take a moment and consider whether you really want to fulfill a request or if you’re simply reacting out of habit. The people pleaser habit is one that needs intentional action from you to be broken. Remember, saying ‘no’ is not only acceptable but necessary for your well-being.
You can choose to be pleasant, while not being a people pleaser
2. Clarify Your Life Goals
Take some time to reflect on what you truly want out of life. What are your personal and professional aspirations? Not what others, your peers, your parents, your partner or your boss wants for you. You may have to dig a bit deeper to silence their voices in your head and find your true aspirations.
By focusing on your own goals, you can start to distinguish between requests that support your journey and those that derail you. This clarity will empower you to make decisions that serve your interests.
3. Communicate Boundaries Reduce the People Pleaser Habit
Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. Take the time to determine what you’re willing and not willing to do, and communicate these limits to others with kindness and assertiveness. Those who truly respect and value you will honor your boundaries.
For instance, if you’re used to always agreeing with your friends’ choice of restaurant, try suggesting a place you genuinely prefer next time. In a work context, you might start by setting boundaries around your time, such as not answering emails outside of designated hours.
If you are caught unprepared, keep a sentence like “Let me consider that and get back to you” or “I need some time to think it over, can I get back to you?” ready. Even asking for just five minutes to collect your thoughts and make an informed decision will help you break the people pleaser habit.
4. Embrace Incremental Changes
Stopping to be a people pleaser can be tough. Remember that you don’t have to transform overnight. Begin with small, manageable steps, like sharing your opinion during a meeting or politely declining an extra task. Celebrate these victories, no matter how minor they may seem, as they pave the way for more significant changes.
5. Get Comfortable with Discomfort
It’s natural to seek approval and all humans seek it. But getting rid of the people pleaser behavior requires you to step out of your comfort zone. Rocking the boat or seeing someone upset about a “no” may make you feel uncomfortable. Practice sitting with the discomfort that comes from not meeting everyone’s demands. Over time, this will help you build resilience and prioritize your own needs.
Consider getting a close friend to support your transition, reinforce your arguments and keep you accountable. A challenge shared is a challenge halved.
6. Refrain from Over-Apologizing
Apologizing when it’s not warranted can reinforce your people pleaser behavior. If you’re not at fault, there’s no need to say sorry. Instead, show gratitude where appropriate, and stand firm in your decisions.
7. Cultivate Positive Self-Talk
As you shift away from being a people pleaser, you might notice changes in your relationships. This is normal and expected. Counter any negative feelings with positive affirmations about your worth and the healthy choices you’re making for yourself.
8. Surround Yourself with Supportive Individuals
Build a network of friends and family who appreciate you for who you are, not just what you can do for them. Share your journey with them and seek their encouragement as you work to overcome any people pleaser tendencies.
9. Consider Your Capacity
It’s okay to help others, but be mindful of your limits. Clearly communicate how much time or resources you can offer, ensuring that you’re not compromising your own needs in the process.
10. Prioritize Self-Care
Finally, make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Whether it’s through exercise, mindfulness, or simply taking time to relax, prioritizing your own well-being is essential in letting go of people pleaser habits. As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
Remember, it’s not your responsibility to keep everyone happy. Your needs and happiness are just as important as anyone else’s. By implementing these strategies, you’ll not only improve your own quality of life but also engage in healthier, more genuine relationships.